Grappling

It is fair to say I have zero friends. There is not one person who checks in on me on a daily basis to see how I am doing.

Part of that is my fault I am sure. It isn't because I'm not a friendly person, but I've grown so isolated over the last several years that I doubt I could cultivate a meaningful friendship if I tried. I could have done so with the ladies at church, but I always felt that I didn't fit in because I wasn't there all the time and hadn't been part of the "gang". 

Even with social media, I had hoped connecting with family on Facebook would lead to more interaction with them. I do not live near any family members.  I'm not part of their daily lives so no one cares to check up on me. It is up to me to check up on them....ALL of them...ALL of the time.

Sadly, I've grown quite resentful and I don't know how to handle it. It is heartbreaking that no one cares enough to check on us.  My husband, when he is working, is gone for weeks at a time. My boys, though practically grown up, have never known the closeness of family or what that means.

Some days it feels like if the four of us disappeared, no one would even notice.

And Like a Flower, She Faded Away..

I was re-reading a couple of MUCH older posts, which wasn't difficult considering the number of times I have actually utilized this space over the years.

I came upon THAT Christmas.

The horrific one in 2007 where in a moment's rage, many things were destroyed, but nothing so much as the ripped fabric of our family.  Oh, we are still together, but it seems we are always on an unending, high-alert, eggshell-walking journey that just goes from one blow up to the next. It always explodes from one and the collateral damage is left on the rest of us.  As a result, one son is chronically depressed and suffers from bipolar disorder.  The other son, much like myself, keeps everything locked inside and tries to manage "life".  We can't enjoy things like normal families do.  Everything is paid at such an emotional high price that some days I wonder why we have to keep going through this.

I know the LORD has His reasons.

I trust Him to help us through it.

But, today....I feel like the faded flower in my photo. Once, I was vibrant and shining in the son. Today, I am ready to fade away in the rain.

From Bitter Nothings to God's Something

There are days when the enemy wants to whisper bitter nothings in our ear and make us focus on things that do not matter. This is particularly evident when it concerns others in our lives and how ongoing manipulation and strife SHOULD affect us. Sometimes those bitter nothings leave us feeling excluded, alone, ignored, unloved, unfulfilled, retaliatory, or worse: we just start comparing.I loved this article because it shows just 25 ways of WHO God says we are. I may print them out and post them somewhere because it helps to have Him cheering for us - He will NEVER LEAVE OR FORSAKE US. And that is extremely comforting to me.

The following portion was taken from the article cited below:

1. I am a child of God. John 1:12

2. I am a friend with God. John 15:15

3. I am justified and redeemed by Jesus Christ. Romans 3:24

4. I am not condemned by God. Romans 8:1

5. I have been set free from the law of sin and death. Romans 8: 2

6. I am an heir with Christ. Romans 8:17

7. I have been accepted by Christ. Romans 15:7

8. I have wisdom, righteousness, sanctification and redemption, in Christ Jesus. 1 Corinthians 1:30

9. I am a new creation. 2 Corinthians 5:17

10. I am the righteousness of God. 2 Corinthians 5:21

11. I am no longer a slave but an heir with Christ. Galatians 4:7

12. I have been set free. Galatians 5:1

13. I have been blessed with every spiritual blessing. Ephesians 1:3

14. I am chosen, holy, and blameless before God. Ephesians 1:4

15. I am redeemed and forgiven by the grace of God. Ephesians 1:7

16. I am seated in the heavenly places with Christ. Ephesians 2:10

17. I have been brought near to God by the blood of Christ. Ephesians 2:13

18. I am a member of Christ's body and a partaker of His promise. Ephesians 3:6, 5:30

19. I have boldness and confident access to God through faith in Christ. Ephesians 3:12

20. My new self is righteous and holy. Ephesians 4:24

21. The peace of God guards my heart and mind. Philippians 4:7

22. God supplies all my needs. Philippians 4:19

23. I have been made complete in Christ. Colossians 2:10

24. I am an overcomer in Christ Jesus. 1 John 5:4.

25. God loves me and has chosen me. 1 Thessalonians 1:14.

Article Source:

http://ezinearticles.com/?25-Things-God-Says-About-You&id=2029878

Sun-Optics on a Saturday Night

Over the years, I have rather enjoyed being an amateur photographer. Since the digital age of cameras, it has been so easy to practice, fail, practice again. One day, maybe I can earn a little money at it. For now, I will enjoy the images I am fortunate and blessed to see each day; many from my own yard.

Take, for instance, the above image. I shot it using my Iphone 6. I also have a Canon T5 has my main camera, but have used a Nikon Coolpix as well as a Vivitar digital.

As time goes on, I hope to share some more shots here. They are ALL my own and I own them.

Test Post

If we are a faithfully, fully repentant disciple of Christ then we fully transform as a person in HIS SPIRIT and HIS TRUTH. This cannot be helped because it is our desire to live FOR HIM and NOT FOR OURSELVES.

Our old worldly self dies and a new being emerges. When we are PLAYING at our salvation, we try and fool the WORLD around us that we are changing, but this false transformation does not fool God. We put on airs, we act one way in front of some people, another in front of others....but it is all for nothing.

There is nothing scarier than a Christian who is playing at being the thing he or she purports to be. And, at the end of days, the LORD is going to spit our lukewarm butts out first.

A New Day....

This week, I have been trying very hard to shake myself out of depression doldrums and get on with creativity or productivity...or SOMETHING.  It has been difficult for sure.

With God's help, I am slowly winning this battle. I know He has a plan for the struggles of late. I know it is meant for my good, whatever the result. I just have to trust Him; He has not ever failed me--unlike most humans I know.

So, I'll hang on another day, trying to do better than the last, and pray that the LORD will see I am trying.

Without that Hope, what else is left?

Because I Can, That's Why....

I don't know, I guess I've felt it coming on for awhile...oh...you know, that NEED to leave Facebook for calmer climes.  Don't get me wrong, I really enjoy FB for the most part, but the part I don't enjoy is when you have to deal with the people you know in real life.

It sucks.

I try to maintain a positive spin on my page; as a disciple of Christ, I SHOULD do that.  It is difficult when day-after-day, I see the same complaints from the same people I've known for decades -- It gets old.

Oh sure, I know I could just NOT look...or better yet....delete them?  Block them?  You don't know these people.  To "dis" them on a Social Network is equal to taking their last pack of cigarettes, their last nerve pill, or last can of soda.  It's just not done.  Because  of this, I am dusting off this old Blogger account.  It was the only place where I was not followed by the "minions".

Another reason is that I am going through a down season so I need to express myself without feeling I'm creating "drama".  I don't want sympathy, real or fake.  We are facing foreclosure ....again....I'm weary, and the thought of going out into the job market after being absent for nearly two decades scares me to death.  I have some physical issues, so that is going to hurt me...but God has a plan.

I don't know what it is, and He's always on time, but for me, it feels like time is nearly up.